Mrs. Brayko’s comments:
Olivia, improvement is here in the way you bring the author in at points and seek to have a stronger thesis and topic sentences. Still, HOW power leads to evil and immoral acts is not quite clear, only that they are linked. It was difficult for you to sustain the analysis and so you veer toward summary as you get further along in the paper. Future focus: Think about themes not in term of single words (power) but in phrases and sentences (power corrupts those who have it and oppresses those who don’t). See doc for details.