Act I Scene 5
The Ghost and Hamlet enter
Hamlet: Where are you taking me? Say something.
Ghost: I’m your dead dad and you need to kill the current king for me ok ty
Hamlet: Woah there tmi!
Ghost: AVENGE ME >:(
Hamlet: Are you saying that Claudius murdered you?
Ghost: Yes, that incestuous, adulterous beast! He betrayed me and laid with my wife, your mother-–I loved her but I guess she loved me not. Wanna hear the details of how I died?
Hamlet: Sure dude
Ghost: I was chilling in the orchard before your uncle poured poison into my ear––yes, literal poison––and killed me for my wife and my crown. So avenge my death, dear Hamlet! But fair warning, whatever you do, please do not harm your mother in any way; leave her to the wretched punishment of her own guilt.
Hamlet: Damn it! I remember you, you poor ghost. I’ll wipe my mind of basically everything and only remember to kill my uncle. Oh Claudius, you “smiling damned villain”. I’ll get revenge for my dad.
Enter Horatio and Marcellus
Horatio: He’s okay?
Marcellus: Tell us what happened!
Hamlet: Gather, gather!
Marcellus: So what happened bro?
Horatio: Yeah what was that about?
Hamlet: Oh it was great!
Horatio: Go on…
Hamlet: I can’t ur a snake
Horatio: Oh my gosh no never
Marcellus: I’m not either
Hamlet: You promise?
Hamlet: There’s no bad guy in Denmark who isn’t evil,
Horatio: There was no need for a ghost to tell us that .
Hamlet: Yeah you’re right. So I won’t tell u anymore let’s leave.
Horatio: But that’s so weird to say
Hamlet: Yeah sorry if I disappointed you
Horatio:No it’s fine
Hamlet: Yes it is disappointing, because I can’t tell you and you want to know more. And I must ask for a favor,
Horatio: What is it? I’ll still help.
Hamlet: Don’t tell anyone that you saw this ghost.
Both: Okay we won’t
Horatio: I won’t
Marcellus: We promise
Hamlet: Pinky promise
Marcellus: We already promised
Hamlet: Do it anyway.
Ghost Cries under stage
Ghost: Pinky Promise!
Hamlet: Swear on my cool sword.
Ghost: SWEAR ON HIS COOL SWORD
Hamlet: btw bro Horatio never tell anyone this happened
Hamlet: like pinky promise
Hamlet: like double pinky promise ok dude like swear