Mrs. Brayko’s Comments:

Olivia, This holds together quite well. I like how focused you got and that you were able to bring in your textual evidence effectively. The paper was easy to follow and included much good analysis (and a better sense of zooming in and out). Future focus: Nuancing your sentence structures to put the emphasis in the right place – more so on the development of the theme than on the techniques being utilized.

Mrs. Brayko’s comments:

Olivia, improvement is here in the way you bring the author in at points and seek to have a stronger thesis and topic sentences. Still, HOW power leads to evil and immoral acts is not quite clear, only that they are linked. It was difficult for you to sustain the analysis and so you veer toward summary as you get further along in the paper. Future focus: Think about themes not in term of single words (power) but in phrases and sentences (power corrupts those who have it and oppresses those who don’t). See doc for details.

Mrs. Brayko’s comments:
Olivia, much of your essay is polished and improved. Your control of organization and sentence structure is quite good. The interpretation of the Collins poem is misconstrued/misunderstood somewhat; that is because there is irony that the reader must pick up on in order to detect the full meaning of the piece (that it is NOT okay to lie to children).