U3 (F) Reduced Scene

Act 4 Scene 6
Enter Horatio and others.

Horatio: Why do they wanna talk to me?
Gentleman: They’re sailors. They have some letters for you.
[Exit Gentleman]
Horatio: Let them come in.
I bet it’s from Hamlet.
Enter Sailors
Sailor: Bless you
Horatio: Right back at ya!
Sailor: I’ve got a letter for you coming from the ambassador that was going to England. You’re Horatio, right?
Horatio: [Reads the letter.] “Horatio, give the mailman some money to bring the letters to the King. Some pirates caught us at sea, and I’m their prisoner. They’ve treated me well so far, but they know I’m a prince. Make sure the King gets these letters and come to me ASAP. I have some really dumbfounding stuff to tell you but I can only say it IRL. The mailman will bring you to me. Rosencrantz and Guildensterm are still going to England. I’ve lots to tell you about them. Bye!
‘He that thou knowest thine, HAMLET’”
Here, I’ll pay you to send these letters off.
And bring me
To the guy who gave them to you.

U1 Original Poem A or B

Ode to Toilet Paper

I sit there on that ivory throne
and Nature’s call compels me.
I stare intently at my phone
And out comes rectal debris.

Time marches on the deed is done
I now must cleanse my rear end.
This five-ply sheet, second to none
Its softness is a godsend.

What could I do without this thing
it helps my basic hygiene.
This Charmin brand fit for a king
I’ll stock in every latrine.